im currently emotionally unstable.
oh well, i appear to be weird at times.
i was laughing like a lunatic in tuition an hour ago.
and now? im undergoing some random mood swings.
not one that's stressing me up at least=/

you know what,after much considerations,ive decided be frank at this moment.
pouring out thoughts and feelings tat come straight into my mind,and not on an attempt to hide away from my reality.
ive been keeping certain things to myself since tat very fateful day.
and yup.i was determined to stay strong from that day on.
but unfortunately, things were easier said than done.

i had a dinner with my dad earlier on.
its been a long time since i last seen him.
you might ask me why?
well( as i said that im gonna be frank), my family's separated and he's living alone now.
i felt this throbbing pain in my heart at the very moment when my eyes met his.
somehow,i could sense the loneliness in him.
i knew that he longed for care and concern frm anyone of us.
i knew that he was lost,disappointed and tired.
at that very second,i had this sudden urge to give him a hug.
but apparently,i didnt.WHY?
mayb i felt that it was embarrassing to act in such a way,esp in a public place.
or mayb,it was due to the presence of his friend.

excuses.they're just excuses.
you're just a timid daughter who doesnt have the guards to offer just a simple hug.
to show that you care,to show that you're always there for him.
you're such a loser.

fine.i admit that im a failure,an unfilial daughter.
but that was not all.the long 'lecture' that he gave during tat duration of time,was truly unforgettable.
and yup.it was only at that fraction of second,when i came to realise that im blessed.
im blessed to have such understanding parents.
all along,i used to have this thought that they cared only for themselves.
and my duty was to attain good results and do them proud.
it wasnt easy trying to meet their expectations.but still,i did.
and now,i realise that i was abosolutely wrong.
although my memory may be failing me at the moment,but yup.
i still do have a rough idea of what he said to me ytd.

during this time when im away frm home,separated from you guys,i finally experience what life truly is.
and all in all,i missed you all terribly.
i did all my best,trying to bring good to the family.
and i failed for now,but not yet.
im determined to do the best for the family and i strongly believe that one very fine day,i'll succeed.

please bear in mind that, papa and mummy don't dominate your life.
you make your own choices and we'll give you the support.
remember, ambitions may alter as time passes.
indeed,we'll be proud if you turn out as a doctor one day.
but as i said,do things that you like and have interest in.
only then,you'll lead a happy life.
you may choose to be an accontant.
and i believe that,with with sufficient hard work,you'll turn out to be equally successful,as singapore is a financial centre.
OR you may choose to be an engineer and become a 'tom-boy'.
well,as long as you're happy,we're fine with any choices you make.

-im touched by his long speech.

and i guess it is time to stop thinking negatively.
for the sake of my parents and my future,i'll fight my way through.
-





trust me,i WILL.



BREAK FREE;
[a] 11:45 PM

life is a road that i wanna keep going,
love is a river that i wanna keep flowing.
life is a road,now and forever, wonderful journey(:

hehs.im finally back to bring this pathetic blog back to life.
yupyup(: it's been like two weeks ever since i last updated yah?
but! at the very least,im MUCH better than siewting,who doesnt bother to type a post hur.
*hint hint* foosiewting,i hereby command YOU to type a post NOW!
gogogo! LOLS.
what a spastic way to start off my post huh.
anyway, it's siewting's birthday tmr!(x
ohwell,here comes my blessings..
FOOSIEWTING, my ultimate dearr<33
you're officially sixteen now huh.
therefore..you got to be more mature yah?(x lols.
do rmb to enjoy your very special day tmr and dun forget to think abt me!
although i cant be there to share the joy,but hmm,just rmb that im here to give you my sincere blessings(:
PS* im drooling while thinking of your birthday cake (offer me a piece,will you?^^)
oh yahh.best wishes to athena too!
two fellow classmates born on the same date(:

school days are tiring,and terribly boring.
that's the only thing that comes to my mind,after experiencing two weeks of school life.
tonnes of homework that never fail to keep me busy all the time.
countless TESTS (again?) that stress me up all these while.
what an 'interesting' way to start the year 2007.
but still,friends are always there to keep your life going((:
till now,i still do feel disappointed abt the change of seating arrangement.
i miss siewting's entertainment and yup.
i must say that i always feel a sense of comfort whenever she gives me a pat on the shoulder,telling me to hang on.
thanks alot yah?(: you'd never know how much that matters to me.
sad to say,you're a great distance from me now.(i mean literally)
as for now,im trying real hard to adapt and at the same time,train my social skills.

HMM in conclusion,life's not exactly fufiling.
but,im gonna accept reality as it is [:
as for the upcoming FIVE tests next week, im sooo gonna stay strong.
JIAYOUS to you guys out there.smile yeah?

BREAK FREE;
[a] 3:07 AM